Free Pass Five: Part Deux

Why do another FPF? Well, even though I've been faithful to one man for almost 22 years, apparently in my fantasy life I'm sort of fickle. AND IT'S FUN.

I was going to name this FPF Cougar Edition until I realized that only one of the entries was slightly inappropriate (and only slightly...he IS legal!!)

So perhaps this whole mid-crisis thing is nothing to worry about. Go me!

Without further ado....

#1 still-reigning champion...

Ewan McGregor

stop looking at me like that, you saucy minx

Why is Ewan number 1? Well, it's not because of his latest movies, that's for sure. Not only have they been abysmal (even I couldn't finish them), they've been American which, as you know, usually means we see no frontal nudity. And let's face it, he does always have that to fall back on in a pinch.

Nope, it's got to be that cheeky grin, that Scottish accent, that willingness to show a feminine side, that adventurous spirit...and have you seen his full frontal?

#2 Robert Pattinson

I know, I know...it's disgraceful. I could be his mother (if I was a slut when I was 16 which is something that everyone who knew me then knew I wished I was but instead was "everyone's friend, nobody's lover," alright, yes, Mom, you're right I know, I know!!).

I'm sorry..where was I? Right. Yes, I am "too old" for him. Yes, he can look kind of girly at times. Yes there are those stinky rumors. But all this tells me is that

he must be taught.

#3 Craig Ferguson

I have no bloody idea why this picture is so small

because my Craig is very very BIG (I'm talking about his height here, people...)...). But I think this picture nonetheless sums up his suaveness, his debonnaireness....actually, he seems to be none of those things (if, in fact, that second one is a word). He is a big goof ball. A smarty pants who acts dumb but isn't. A great Scotsman with a flair for the perverse.

And not too hard on the eyes as well.

#4 Anthony Bourdain

nice joint, Tony
(teehee...dirty foodie humor!)

Now this one is odd, even for me. Because although I find Tony here attractive---he's got great legs, a nice snarky sense of humor, he's smart--I actually really want to be him. He's got the most awesome job ever. He travels. He parties. He eats. He apparently has the best metabolism known to man or woman.

Does that mean I want to free pass five with myself?

#5 Dave Grohl

This may be my weirdest one yet. I LOVE DAVE, don't get me wrong. But I think I want to have sex with his mind more than anything else. Is that too graphic? It's just that he's so talented (for this I'm willing to overlook his dreaded gum-chewing)---he's amazing musically, he's got a wicked sense of humor, he's nice, and he makes me smile when I'm running. Maybe I want to be his best friend.

Who occasionally snuggles.

BONUS LESBIAN ADDITION:

Jennifer Garner

Look at her. She's magnificent. I would forgo the rest of her if I could just have her shoulders (as my own...not as some kind of creepy trophy). But, like Davey Baby above, I must admit that I'd really like to have her as a friend. She seems so cool. So normal. So fun.

I would have to make a No Ben rule when we went out though.

He seems like a douche..

See? She's not perfect! Love her.


...YOUR TURN!!

GO!

All My Life

Best running song ever.

Thanks Taylor and Dave!

*smooch*

Happy Birthday!

Young man...

http://www.gq.com/

...we must discuss this naughty habit.

Over dinner.

Alone.

Free Pass Five + bonus

I was going to write a post today about my Biggest Foot in Mouth Event to date in which I told the health inspector woman who came to inspect my kitchen today how much I appreciated her kindness and professionalism because the woman who did it before was such a douche, all the while not realizing that I was in fact talking to the douche and did not recognize her as such.

But then I saw this neato list on another site and thought this would be much more fun.


Ready, kids? Here's how the game works: You pick 5 men/women (depending on your proclivities) who, if you could get a "free pass" from your significant other, you would have raunchy dirty sex with (or at least that's how I imagine it). They can be celebrities or the guy who delivers your UPS packages (brown IS the new black). Let's play!

1. Ewan McGregor. Anyone who knows me at all could've picked this one as my first. He's sexy, he's funny, he's got a Scottish accent, and the man will drop trou' at the drop of a hat. And, though my friend Mimi says his sex scenes are "just acting," he's either the best fucking actor in the world (and, c'mon, we know he's not), or Mrs. McGregor, that bitch, is getting some deliciousness right where she needs it.

2. James McAvoy. Another Scottish guy with an amazing accent. And his voice. Oy. Saucy. Unfortunately for him, he's short and doesn't photograph well, but he smolders on screen and can make a dude who tears up seem very sexy.

3. Jason Bateman. I have enjoyed his comedic talent since Silver Spoons and have really enjoyed the results of his adolescence. Now he's funny AND extremely cute. I've replaced Vince Vaughn with Jason because I think Jason needs my help. Everyone loves Vince. He's doing just fine, thanks very much. But just look at this guy; he's got a puppy dog thing going on and he's funny and he's a pretty good actor too. Yep. He stays.

4.The Guy Who Plays Mohinder on Heroes. Okay. I know he has a real name, but I can never remember it and I couldn't spell it if my life depended on it, so I prefer to think of him this way, although, to be honest I couldn't care less what his name is. Just look at him. Wow. The hair, the jaw, and again, the height. *swoon* And he's got this amazing voice. Those Heroes people knew what they were doing when they decided to have him narrate the show. The guy could read the phonebook and it would sound hot.

5. Dave Grohl. You soccer moms are saying "Who?" and those of you hung up on classic handsomeness are saying "Huh?", but Dave, former Nirvana drummer and current Foo Fighter, is the smart, cool and funny Everyman, the guy your brother was friends with who talked to you and didn't treat you like the 12 year old dweeb you were. And he plays the guitar and sings. Nice....

Bonus: It was suggested that there should be a bonus person listed for this game and I agree. The bonus person should be someone who you would pick if you --ahem-- switched teams (I hate that expression, but there ya go). And that lovely lady, for me, has always been:

...Jodie Foster!

I've loved her from afar for a long long time. Maybe even since Freaky Friday. She's smart, she's cute-but-approachable, and, yes, she's gay so maybe she'd dig me too.

Who's in your Free Pass Five List? Let me know in the comments section!