Getting Closer

Sooooooo close....

Spring Break 2012

On what is my last Spring Break as a student, 
here's what I did:

Laundry

Of course the washer had "an issue" when there was a TON of laundry to do.

Went to meetings
 

What does this food have to do with going to meetings?  A lot.  Lehigh knows how to do meetings.

Applied for jobs and networked
 

This photo does not convey the mental exhaustion associated with both these activities.

Drank gallons of tea and took pictures of it

It's mah faaavorite.

Watched

Portlandia-style

Baked
 

 Matcha Biscotti

Baked
 

"The best thing you've made in a long time"   --HH

Baked
 

You need to make this now.  Really.  Go.  I'll wait.

Ate
 

Unbelievably good.  Guiness and chocolate go together like...pie and a fat ass.

And shredded.

See the pictures above for why I am NOT on my way to losing up to 20 pounds in 30 days!

The break, it was good.

Trying Not to Freak Out

Happy New Year!

One of the best things about my new career is learning something new every single day.  I love that.  And the fact that the things I learn are so interesting certainly helps.  I've always considered myself a pretty open-minded (though opinionated) person but working with international students has opened my mind in ways I never could have imagined.

The two portraits below were taken by Anthoni, who is graduating in May. I miss him already!  Look at him--is he not the cutest??

One culture I thought I knew pretty well from books/movies,etc. was Chinese culture. I've always loved Chinese literature.  I love the poetry of their words.   But one part that I misunderstood was that I always thought of their culture primarily as one of obedience to the state.  There's much more to it than that.  China is such a large country that, just like the US, there are subcultures just as there are so many dialects.  I think you would have to travel to every province to begin to understand it all. But one of the best parts of their culture is shared by all Chinese and something that I share with them--a love of tradition and family (friends and blood relatives).

Qin is an artist and as lovely as she is quirky.  Those glasses have no lenses but they look cool!

Filial piety is an important part of that.  Sometimes, in books and movies, the respect for elders can seem binding and restraining, but I've seen the other side of it in these students--a genuine love (and like!) of their parents and a desire to make them proud.  It's not something I consciously thought about when I was their age.  I wanted my parents to be proud, sure, but mostly I was all about me me me.  The balance can be delicate between making themselves happy and their parents proud but at its heart it is, for lack of a better word, very very nice to see.

Chenkai had the nerve to go back to China after getting his MBA because he didn't want his mother to miss him too much.  I miss making him blush by telling him about his awesomeness.

And the food!  I love the symbolism of almost everything they eat and the attention to detail in a simple dish.  HH would love to eat Chinese food every night but what is served to us Americans, so I've learned, is a bastardized version of the authentic dishes served in China.  When I asked what the difference was between what we have and "real" Chinese, my friend Chenkai said "Sugar.  Everything you eat is so sweet." And I get that.  As I get older, I'm finding I like things less sweet and more savory or tangy.  I can't wait to go to China to taste the difference. Until then, I'll just have to make my own.  Here's what I made for our Chinese New Year dinner--a new tradition!

Back to front:  Noodles for long life, spring rolls for family reunion, and crab dumplings for wealth.  (Edamame was there because we like them)

 

Tangerines for luck

Almond cookies for a sweet life

Oh My God a Post!

This woman is smiling because her house is clean and she had nothing to do with it.

Becoming a grad student after working for 16 years in a completely different field as well as having two babies and raising them up was, in two words, an adjustment.  For the first time in a long long time, I began to focus on myself.  That sounds like a good thing—a relief—to someone who isn’t a mom and, in a lot of ways, it was.  But the guilt is never far behind when a mom gives a few brain cells over to things other than house and home. 

But, after wrestling with all the child-related what if’s and getting over the fear that I would be the oldest person in the room—including the professor—I began to have an amazing time as a student again.   And the guilt began to fade away as I saw my husband (always a great father but a man with a full time job) take the reins with all the little tasks that make up a day in a family with children.  The kids began to look to him for help with things when in the past, no matter what I was doing (making dinner, taking a shower!), they would ask me even if he was sitting there, doing nothing.   He began to know their schedule probably better than I ever did, helping them with homework, signing permission forms, etc., while I could devote myself to reading for class and working on papers.   

He even CLEANED THE HOUSE.

So, nearing the end of a three-year grad program, I’m now not only more educated and (hopefully!) a better candidate for a better job, I’m also a woman in a better marriage.  I never imagined that would be one of the perks of going back to school.  And while I still have some guilt that I don’t remember when my son’s history paper is due (or, honestly, what his History teacher’s name is), my kids have  learned two things from their mom putting them second for the first time ever: education, at any age, is important (and do-able!) and a good marriage truly is a partnership.   

Sometimes it’s 50/50.  Most of the time it’s not.

Now THIS would be an interesting group

Those who know me will say that I talk a lot.  I've been told my whole life that my mouth "waddles like a duck's rear end (thanks, Dad).  But most of the time, I think it's a good thing.  And while my childhood report cards may have said things like "talks too much," at least they didn't say what my father so proudly tells us his own report card said: "Talks too much and annoys others."  I'm sure I've annoyed some people with my talking (friends, please tell me if I do!), but most of my worst yammering is either because I'm nervous and trying to fill uncomfortable silences or because I want to get to know you.  Not filling every silence is something that I, as a grown-up 40 year old woman, am trying to work on.  I'm getting better at it and even liking the silence sometimes. I'll bet others are enjoying it too.

For the most part, I think people find me easy to talk to because I talk.  I open myself up, I make fun of myself, and I try very hard to put people at ease.  I do not (at least I don't think I do--friends, tell me if I do PLEASE) ramble on and on about myself.  While I will disclose the latest stupid thing I've done or admit that I sometimes feel/do/act the same way you do at your very worst, I do not think I am so very interesting as to talk incessantly about what makes me ME.   I am very self-conscious about making sure I don't.  

Because, people, I am also a good listener.

Now, lest you think all this blather is proving I am full of crap and DO talk about myself, I'm coming to my point.

I am in a group processes seminar in school, which is basically about group dynamics (good! Interesting!) and also teaches us how to have group therapy (dumb!  not necessary for my major!).  I love the professor, in all his counselor-ly ways.  Love him.  But there are some who are in the class who think a) they are beyond the class and know everything and b) are so wrapped up in what They are All About that they can't even see when they are being, ahem, a-holes.

I'm not going to disclose anything because I am a Keeper of Secrets, but I am going to vent that I, a talker, had to tell someone else in my small group that he was Talking Too Much and not letting anyone in.  He turned it around and said it was because our personalities clash because we are Too Similar.  WHAT?  I had to explain the difference between Talking A lot (small amounts, in many instances) and Talking Too Much (9 minutes for an answer to a question.  THAT, my friends, is a soliloqy). 

A show of hands from those who think I should make this very pie for next week's group?

Now,  I thank you for listening. I'm going to do what that pie says and see what happens next week.

It's Been Way Too Long

{I feel like I'm going to barf.}

Look Out, Boston... Here I Come!

KIDDING!!!!!

But seriously, I'll be in Boston at a {conference} for 4 days, 
and away from my computer,

because I am too cheap to pay the $15 a day 
the hotel charges for wireless.
(Why do "nice" hotels charge for wireless?)

I'll miss you, blog.

Oh yeah.  You too, kids and husband.

How to NOT Write a Paper

• Make yourself toast even if you're not hungry.
• Make yourself a cup of tea.
• Send family to movies and then think about how weird it is that you wish you were going to see Edward again.
• Make another cup of tea.  And another one.
• Go to the bathroom 5 times.
• Brush your hair while in there.  Each time.
• Go to the bathroom again and put on more blush while in there even though no one is at home and you're not going anywhere.
• Go outside for firewood because you are cold.
• Watch dogs play outside in first snow of the season and realize that since your children are older and not as darling (bendable to will), you have replaced them in your heart with your pets just a little.
• Go get a sweatshirt with the name of your grad school on it so it not only makes you cozy and lethargic but also mocks you with its collegiate attitude.
• Start to write an outline.  Get distracted by the cool way you can bullet each item (ooh! daisies!).
• Go online to "research" more.  Get lost on Facebook playing Scramble.
• Blather incoherently about your topic and realize halfway through that your topic has magically changed.
• Quit and barely remember to SAVE even though it's crap anyway.
• Blog about it.
  

Is Anyone Out There? Wanna Swap?

Holy crap, has it really been a month and a half since I've posted?? Wow. I'll be amazed if anyone but me and my two loyal friends (hi Patti! hi Audrey!) are actually reading this. So, what's been happening, you ask, Patti and Audrey? WELL! A hell-of-a-lot. And it's ALL GOOD.

Can I get an A-MEN?! Even I was tired of listening to myself moan before, during The Summer of Suck, and my mother always told me if you can't say anything nice.... you know the rest. But the truth is that I did have some pretty great things going on at the end of the Summer Suck. In fact, I was having a ball. But I felt guilty about it and didn't want to gloat because my man was still Stuck in the Suck (okay, that's the last time I work that in, I swear).

WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT?

Well, I had started grad school and the most fun job I've ever had to date. I was getting into the groove of an office full of fun and crazy and inviting people and meeting like-minded students and talking about cool stuff.

And then I was going home. To worry. To sadness. To my Handsome Husband who was trying so hard to make Things Happen on the job front. And I felt bad about being so happy. I would dance off to work in the morning, not being able to WAIT until I left the Sad House. And I was sad that both of us weren't having a career ball.

But that's all behind us because HH is employed. WOOT! Who knows if it's the job of a lifetime, but it's a job. And a good one. And one that he can excel at because....he's awesome.

YAY!!

Now I'm not going to go all philosophical because, hey, I'm not that deep. But I AM going to say that now that I don't have to worry ALL THE TIME about things like shopping for food, life is pretty fucking awesome. I have a GREAT LIFE.

Like I said, AWESOME.

So, to celebrate life's awesomeness (and the fact that I can shop, with only the normal amount of restraint now), I have decided to do something I've never done.

I'm hosting a SWAP.

The lovely Laura hosted one during the Suck time (sorry, it's a habit now) that I couldn't participate in but because SHE'S awesome, she included me anyway without any reason at all. I didn't have to buy her anything in exchange. She just sent me a beautiful package for me and my pooches that made me smile and get a tear in my eye. It really did.

Here it is:

nice, right? so so so nice... it made my whole week.

So when she mentioned she wanted to do a holiday or winter one, I thought I'd offer to take the job on for her so she could think about one less thing until said holidays are over, what with all her cookie and cupcake madness going on.

So, here are the rules:

1. Comment if you want to get in on some wintry fun.

2. Agree to put together a package of goodies for the person you are given to swap with.

3. Don't spend more than $25.

4. PUT TOGETHER A PACKAGE OF GOODIES AND MAIL IT by the determined date (to be determined)! Seriously, don't be a douche. If you say you're going to do it, do it. OR at the very least, let me know if something comes up and you can't. Wouldn't you hate it if you were the only one who didn't get something?

4. Either post a picture of your goodies you receive on your blog or send me a picture to post on mine if you don't have a blog of your own. Here's Muttel sniffing the pumpkiny goodness of the Doggie Biscotti Laura sent:

note the insane, hungry eyes

It's really that easy. Our theme is going to be Winter Gastronomy. That means 'food,' people. Since I hate the word "gourmet," I picked the other G word (even though it sounds even more pretentious. Whatever.) And I picked Winter because I AM A JEW and you can *keep your Santa shit to yourself.

Happy Winter! :o)

The theme is LOOSE. You're supposed to have fun on both ends of the swap. You can include anything you want and it doesn't have to be expensive. You can include homemade stuff (awesome) or you can buy goodies (great) or a combination of both (fan-tastic). Just have fun with it because chances are if you do, the person who receives it will too.

So let me know if you want to get in on it. Don't make me hunt you down!

*not really--I kid! It's totally up to you and your wacky Christian ways!

Oh My God Every *Cloud DOES Have One!

*see? there it is!

Despite the fact that my fears (see the abysmal post below) still have reason to be there in the pit of my stomach, despite the fact that my darling husband is sad/frustrated/worried too, despite all this I am feeling so positive that I've made the right choice for our future. And that feels pretty goddamn good.

My mom was so right.

Let's Hear it for Good Enough!

Now I just have to get in!

Holy @$%&, the Sequel

Called up, rather casually, to make my appointment to take the GRE's and, holy shit, the office in Allentown didn't have any openings until JANUARY 13!!!!

So I'm travellin' down to Conshohocken on Monday, the 5th. Fun.

OhMyGodHoly%$@&

I just found out that I can't be so casual about taking the GRE's. I was going to give myself a goal of "late January" and it turns out it MUST be early January because my application has to be in by FEB 1. AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHH!!!