Oh Natalie Dee, How I Love Thee

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The Day After

This is not the post I thought I'd be writing after S's bar mitzvah. It's amazing how something can turn so quickly--from exhilaration to anxiety, from relief to worry. Life is funny like that although it's hard to think of it as "funny" right now. After celebrating The Boy who is now A Man (not) with family, friends, delicious food, and happy drippy children, I thought I'd have a once-familiar feeling of the day after Christmas. A let-down after all that planning. A kind of sadness that such a big day was over. Now I wish I had that kind of feeling.

Instead, HH's bosses dropped The Bomb. In spite of The Economy (the longest four-letter word there is right now for me), I'd tucked away any worries I had a few months ago thinking that the worst was over and we'd dodged a bullet. HH wasn't surprised. When you're in sales, you know exactly where you're at, business-wise. In fact, it's one of the great things (usually) about the job; if you work hard, you see the benefits in an almost immediate way.

And HH always works hard. It's one of his personality traits I wish I could mention on his resume myself, as in "No matter how insignificant or 'important' the job, my husband will work like his life depends on it because it's the right thing to do." He has an amazing amount of integrity. If you hire him to do a job, you can be absolutely sure that HH will get to work early and stay until past the time everyone else leaves. It's who he is.

Which makes this so hard. Someone who identifies so much with his work will inevitably think "what could I have done differently?" no matter how much he intellectually knows the economy's in the shitter. I worry as much about how he feels about himself as much as I worry about what we're going to do. He reads my blog (even when it's a Free Pass Five post) so I hope he really reads this post.

I am proud of my husband. I know we'll be alright because he's such a great asset to every workplace he's ever been. I only hope he can believe it as much as I know it.

The Big Day

My Life in Food

Starting a new Last Day of School tradition--The Volcano: 14 scoops of ice cream + 8 toppings

If my life were a book divided into chapters, each one would be about food.

Described as “a good eater” as a child (which may have something to do with the fact that I have also always been described as “solid”), most of my memories of my life up until now have been food-related. The room in my house growing up that I remember most is not the beautiful bedroom my mother wallpapered and filled with my beloved stuffed animals and dolls, but the kitchen, wallpapered in huge flowers inspired by The Brady Bunch and other houses of the 70’s. It’s not that the food that came out of it was so wonderful. My poor mom had the unenviable task of cooking for four children on a regular basis with totally different schedules and tastes. What was worse is that she also had to cook for a husband who thought having rice instead of mashed potatoes with his meatloaf was radical and who also thought that I “must be adopted” because I didn’t think gravy was one of the four food groups. No, my mother’s food per se wasn’t memorable. I guess I was just a “foodie” in the making. For that reason, I think my first chapter would have to be called:


Chapter One: Fish Sticks and Canned Green Beans—a Love/Hate Relationship


Let me just say from the start that I love fish sticks. A self-described non-fish eater at the time but knowing the health benefits of fish, I don’t think my mother ever tried to make the “real thing” for us but skipped right to the stick. Her own mother was a wonderful woman but a terrible cook and my mom has told me stories about saving whole fillets in her mouth and then somehow asking to be excused from the table to spit it out in the toilet upstairs. So I think she was saving us from our own childhood traumas. I didn’t mind. I can still remember being a very little girl, dipping my fish sticks in extra ketchup (a vegetable) and crunching away happily.


While I loved my mother’s fish sticks (and frozen turkey croquets and TV dinners when a babysitter came on a Saturday night), I did not love my mother’s way with vegetables. “Fresh” vegetables meant that the can had just been opened. Now canned corn or peas can sometimes be a good thing, but green beans should never, ever, be given to anyone, let alone a child who finds most vegetables suspect at best anyway. Canning green beans takes away their wonderful texture and fresh, snappy flavor. Or so I am told because to this day I still have trouble with them; with the help of a food therapist, I hope to work it out. Canning also turns this former bright green vegetable into a color best left to army fatigues and slime that one finds at the bottom of stagnant ponds. Yum!

But my mother’s love of the use of canned vegetables also extended to potatoes. Potatoes! I still don’t understand that one since potatoes are such keepers (I guess it was all about get-it-done-fast convenience) but my husband, whose mother probably didn’t know there were canned vegetables, cannot believe that I actually liked them. Bar none, one of our family’s favorite Sunday night dinners was a mixture of fried canned mini potatoes, scrambled eggs and hot dogs. Delicious! And my kids and husband love it too (all the while still being slightly disturbed by the potatoes).

My mom also used all the early convenience foods (before microwaves made them their own cuisine): Stove-Top Stuffing, Betty Crocker au Gratin (“all rotten”) Potatoes and, of course, Hamburger Helper. I loved them all and didn’t think them inferior to some of my friends’ mothers’ freshly-made-and-not-out-of-a-box food. My mom was ahead of her time; she was a busy housewife who would’ve rather spent time doing fun things than thinking incessantly about what would be a great dinner.

That job, much later on, was to be for me.

I can't believe they wanted anything to eat for dinner that night--

"Fancy" Italian-style Macaroni and Cheese with mozzarella and tomatoes, ready to go into the oven

Stay tuned for Chapter Two: Cauliflower & Awkward Adolescence

"I Like When You're Home, Mommy"

Me too, Pie.

The Cheesecake

Back in the day, "and that day was a Wednesday," I made the 12 1/2 pounds of cream cheese version weekly

I've been making this same recipe ever since I got out of cooking school (a million years ago) and I have no idea where my friend and baking colleague Beth got it, who Judy is, or what exactly makes it so fabulous. And I don't care because it comes out perfect every single time. It's also adaptable; add some melted chocolate or some pumpkin or some lemon zest and Sambuca (you get the idea) and it's a different but still perfect cake. AND it freezes like a dream. Like I said, PERFECT!

2 1/2 lovely pounds of (*gasp!* Wegmans' brand) cream cheese

I've never been a very careful baker. Maybe that's why decorating a wedding cake is my least favorite thing to do. But with cheesecake, there has to be some care taken and I make sure I do it every time.

Before you even start, the cream cheese and the eggs must be room temperature. These ingredients above have been sitting on my counter for 4 hours. Don't let that scare you. Nothing will happen except your cake will be lump-free. You want this.

Now, you make the crust of your choice, pressing it into a springform pan that has been sprayed with Pam and lined in parchment. I don't have a crust recipe here because I don't use one. And my crust is different every time. Sorry.

Onto the rest of the cake!

When I add the sugar and flour to the cream cheese (the first step), I beat the crap out of it. And I scrape the crap out of it. And then I beat the crap out of it again. After that, I handle it as I would a baby---gently, lovingly, carefully. I know. At this point it's already annoying for you whip-it-together-bakers. But honestly, it's worth it.

So then you add the eggs. ONE AT A TIME, with careful, slowish beating until it's completely absorbed. And then you scrape the sides with a spatula and slowlyish beat it again. Then add the next egg, and so on. From here on, the remaining 2 ingredients get added the same way: slowly beat in. Scrape! Slowly beat again.

NOW, you think you're out of the woods with all this carefulness. NO! You may think you've scraped well. MWahahaha! Oh I've been there. But there is always a lump of cream cheese (even if it's small) lurking in there, waiting to plop down on all that creamy goodness, waiting to make a huge nasty crack in the oven. So, you do something a baker never does. You simply pour the batter into your waiting crust and let the residue in the bowl be.

beautiful, right? Don't be fooled. There could still be some lumpiness in that bowl.

Here's where you're salivating child/husband/dog comes in. Give them the bowl and the spatula. They'll scrape it alright. Right into there quivering-with-anticipation lips. Yeah, yeah, I know there are raw eggs that have been sitting on a counter for 4 hours in there. What can I say, I buy fresh eggs regularly and then I live dangerously.

Okay, you're almost there. Put it in a ridiculously low oven (the temperature in the recipe is not a typo and if you have a convection oven it's lower), set your timer for 1 hour, pour yourself a glass of something, pick up a book, and lie down on the couch. Or whatever it is you do when you're not baking. I rest.

When the timer goes off, you may peek at your cake. You might not be ready to take it out yet. Don't panic. Every oven is different. The way you'll know if it's done if it the edges have started to brown and the middle of the cake quivers a little bit (sort of in a jello-y way). If it really REALLY looks loose, close the door, pick up your book again, and set the timer for 10 more minutes.

When it IS only quivering a bit, turn off your oven. Don't take it out of the oven. Now this next part sounds weird, but it's important. You may think "Ha-HA. No cracks! I'm home-free. NO PROBLEM."

This is what the cheesecake wants you to think.

The next very important step is to take a non-serrated knife (a cake icing metal spatula is the perfect tool for this) and carefully place the tip along the edge of the cake, making sure it goes to bottom of the pan AND the side touches the side of the pan on the inside. Oh-so-carefully, making sure the edge of the knife keeps dragging along the edge of the pan, you drag the knife all the way around the circle of the cake. You're basically trying to free the edges of the cake, crust and all, from the sides of the pan. If you don't do that, as the cake cooks, the sides of the cake will adhere to the side of the pan and pull the center, making the dreaded crack.

Then close the door, leaving the cake inside, pick up your book and beverage of choice and go back to the couch. Your cake should sit inside for at least another 20 minutes.

I know that looks like a crack. It is. BUT IT'S TINY.

Now you can take it out of the oven. Put it in the fridge, brush your teeth, and try not to wake your snoring husband when you get into bed unless you want to. You are, after all, well-rested. teeheehee

Next day you'll thrill at the site or your cake. Really. You will! Now you'll see why it's all worth it, even before tasting it. Your cake is now a tough guy. Able to take flipping, freezing, almost anything. Now you take a piece of cardboard (I have cake boards) or a plate and place it on top of your cheesecake. Don't worry. It can take it. Flip it over and take the bottom of the pan off. It'll come off with no problem because you've lined the bottom of it with parchment paper. Parchment paper is as important to baking as butter and decent pans. Peel off said parchment to reveal the cakes lovely brown bottom *snort*.


Now take your serving platter, put it on top of the exposed cake bottom (teehee) and flip it right-side-up. Now you can do lots of different things with. Top it with fresh fruit and an apricot glaze. Pour some ganache on top and let it drip down the sides. Or, do as I did today and keep it nude, simply wrap it in plastic, making sure to adhere plastic wrap to the sides tightly, and throw it in your freezer, telling your poor son he will DEFINITELY get the first piece a month from now.

Behold! A bad picture but a still-lovely cake.


Judy's Cheesecake

makes one 10-inch cake

2 1/2 pounds cream cheese, room temperature

1 3/4 cups sugar

3 tablespoons flour

5 whole eggs plus 2 yolks, room temperature

1 teaspoon vanilla

1/4 cup heavy cream

Preheat oven to 285 degrees (250 degrees if a convection).

Combine cream cheese, sugar, and flour and beat until smooth and creamy. Add eggs and yolks, one at a time, scraping well in between each egg. Add vanilla and heavy cream, beating carefully until smooth.

Pour into prepared crust. Bake 1 hour or until top is only slightly quivering. Turn oven off and leave cake in the oven 20 minutes. Refrigerate cake overnight.

Variations:

Lemon-Sambuca: add 1/4 cup lemon juice, 1/3 cup Sambuca, and 2 teaspoons lemon zest

Pumpkin Marble: add 1/3 cup pumpkin, 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon, 1/4 teaspoon ginger, and 1/4 teaspoon nutmeg to 2/3 of the plain batter. Pour alternating pumpkin and plain batters into pan and swirl slightly to marblize.

How to Bar Mitzvah on a Budget: Part Two::The Centerpieces

Here's where I show that I'm actually doing some of the things I talked about in Part One! And I've been having way too much fun doing it!

I often say that I'm creative but not original. I can imitate/copy almost anyone in drawing, crafting, etc., but don't come up with ideas on my own. Until now! Check it out!

Red Sox Nation! in GUMBALLS!!

IKEA pot filled with a Styrofoam cube, a dowel hot glue-wrapped in three colors of curling ribbon, a Red Sox mint canister from Wegmans , paper "grass", a 'B' painted and glued to a skewer (also painted), a gumball and Hot Tamale-covered Styrofoam ball and star stuff to wrap around and fill in the holes! Everything hot-glued within an inch of its life!

I have 8 of those IKEA pots, so I made 4 more candy-constructed centerpieces: 2 Simpsons-themed ones and 2 with a triangle-shaped styro form covered in green--Sam's favorite color--candy (including Skittles with the S's showing) with green star garland and Stairway to Heaven sheet music as a base filler along with green tissue paper. To the top of each green cone I glued a large wooden S that I spray painted black and sprinkled with glitter. The remaining 2IKEA pots will have candy button paper glued around the top edge (hot glue!) and some hot pink and yellow Zinnias planted in them. Basically because I've run out of candy ideas and can't think of how to recreate the XBox in a centerpiece.

OTHER centerpieces I did crib from a blog about weddings. The couple were self-confessed book nerds so they had piles of books as their centerpieces. Because Sam is doing a mitzvah project for our public library and collecting used books from his guests to donate to the library's book sale, this idea was perfect. And behold!

this one is dog-themed

My second favorite craft supply right now is shrink wrap! All you do is wrap stuff with it (ANYTHING) and then use your hairdryer to heat it and shrink it. AWESOME. The dog is lucky he didn't get shrink-wrapped because it is sooooooo much fun! I finished each off with a beautiful brown wired ribbon in a nice big bow.

That stack is actually one of my least favorites. I got more daring (I'm so crazy!) with the others and made bigger stacks. I made a HUGE one full of kids' books that will serve as a centerpiece on the bimah which is like a stage in a synagogue. Flowers are lovely, but this is free, appropriate, and very Sam.

After tying the big brown bow on each centerpiece, I affixed these little signs made out of card stock and printed on my computer:

I've also been doing a TON of baking. Sam said his least favorite 5 words in the English language are "it's for the bar mitzvah" whenever I tell him what smells yummy! In fact, I've got a cheesecake in the oven as we speak (at 12 am!). It's the best cheesecake ever and I'm going to post the recipe next time.