the gregarious homebody

Saturday, October 3, 2009

I spend a lot of my conscious time thinking about people in my life. I'm not talking about my children or my husband, although yes it's true that they take up a huge part of my heart and my mind. I'm talking about the people in my life I'm lucky enough to call friends.

One of the reasons I'm always thinking about them is because I'm often hoping against hope that I haven'tn ****ed up our friendship by something stupid I've said. While I'm rarely worried about stuff I've done, I am often inwardly cringing about something I've remembered that came out of my mouth only minutes before. It's not because I'm insecure, really, that I think so much about it, but because, as Audrey, one of these friends has told me, sometimes my edit button gets stuck.

My intention is never to be mean or insensitive. Often, I mean to be completely and utterly sensitive when I say, for instance, that "no wonder your mother-in-law said something so stupid to you! It's because she's an *******!" Out of the moment I am completely aware that only YOU can say she's an *******. She's YOUR mother-in-law. My role as friend is to say something benign like "That's terrible" or even "I'm sure she didn't mean it." 

But therein lies the problem: when it comes to my friends, I can't hold back. Because the other reason I'm thinking about my friends so much is because they are my rock, my soul, my family. I am so very fortunate that I know a lot of quality people who--lucky me!--think I'm not only worth their time, but worth their love and friendship. And every one of them (some more than others!) will hate someone who's wronged me, almost without question. They just probably won't say it to the person in question like I *oops* might.


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