the gregarious homebody


Saturday, October 3, 2009

I spend a lot of my conscious time thinking about people in my life. I'm not talking about my children or my husband, although yes it's true that they take up a huge part of my heart and my mind. I'm talking about the people in my life I'm lucky enough to call friends.


One of the reasons I'm always thinking about them is because I'm often hoping against hope that I haven'tn ****ed up our friendship by something stupid I've said. While I'm rarely worried about stuff I've done, I am often inwardly cringing about something I've remembered that came out of my mouth only minutes before. It's not because I'm insecure, really, that I think so much about it, but because, as Audrey, one of these friends has told me, sometimes my edit button gets stuck.


My intention is never to be mean or insensitive. Often, I mean to be completely and utterly sensitive when I say, for instance, that "no wonder your mother-in-law said something so stupid to you! It's because she's an *******!" Out of the moment I am completely aware that only YOU can say she's an *******. She's YOUR mother-in-law. My role as friend is to say something benign like "That's terrible" or even "I'm sure she didn't mean it." 


But therein lies the problem: when it comes to my friends, I can't hold back. Because the other reason I'm thinking about my friends so much is because they are my rock, my soul, my family. I am so very fortunate that I know a lot of quality people who--lucky me!--think I'm not only worth their time, but worth their love and friendship. And every one of them (some more than others!) will hate someone who's wronged me, almost without question. They just probably won't say it to the person in question like I *oops* might.

5 comments:

Bea said...

I've felt the same many times... I think I think of them as family because when I came to live in Cancun, 18 years ago, my they were closer to family thus they became my family, keeping close company, loving and caring for me, my husband and children... I hope I've reciprocated and I can say I love them truly.

32point5 said...

Thank God I'm not the only one! I friggin over-think everything I say. Hence why I hate dinner parties, something stupid ALWAYS comes out of my mouth and I'll regret it internally for weeks. The added alcohol doesn't help matters!!??

jen said...

Then you'll love this one: I was at a tour of the women's center on campus today and they were giving out purple ribbons for fighting domestic abuse. Instead of just saying "No thanks" I said "I'm actually FOR domestic abuse." Luckily I said it under my breath and only the person next to me (who shook her head and said "who SAYS that??") heard. Oy.

adozeneggs said...

Hello in there..................

david santos said...

Great! Congratulations!

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