the gregarious homebody

Friday, February 25, 2011

Now THIS would be an interesting group

Those who know me will say that I talk a lot.  I've been told my whole life that my mouth "waddles like a duck's rear end (thanks, Dad).  But most of the time, I think it's a good thing.  And while my childhood report cards may have said things like "talks too much," at least they didn't say what my father so proudly tells us his own report card said: "Talks too much and annoys others."  I'm sure I've annoyed some people with my talking (friends, please tell me if I do!), but most of my worst yammering is either because I'm nervous and trying to fill uncomfortable silences or because I want to get to know you.  Not filling every silence is something that I, as a grown-up 40 year old woman, am trying to work on.  I'm getting better at it and even liking the silence sometimes. I'll bet others are enjoying it too.

For the most part, I think people find me easy to talk to because I talk.  I open myself up, I make fun of myself, and I try very hard to put people at ease.  I do not (at least I don't think I do--friends, tell me if I do PLEASE) ramble on and on about myself.  While I will disclose the latest stupid thing I've done or admit that I sometimes feel/do/act the same way you do at your very worst, I do not think I am so very interesting as to talk incessantly about what makes me ME.   I am very self-conscious about making sure I don't.  

Because, people, I am also a good listener.

Now, lest you think all this blather is proving I am full of crap and DO talk about myself, I'm coming to my point.

I am in a group processes seminar in school, which is basically about group dynamics (good! Interesting!) and also teaches us how to have group therapy (dumb!  not necessary for my major!).  I love the professor, in all his counselor-ly ways.  Love him.  But there are some who are in the class who think a) they are beyond the class and know everything and b) are so wrapped up in what They are All About that they can't even see when they are being, ahem, a-holes.

I'm not going to disclose anything because I am a Keeper of Secrets, but I am going to vent that I, a talker, had to tell someone else in my small group that he was Talking Too Much and not letting anyone in.  He turned it around and said it was because our personalities clash because we are Too Similar.  WHAT?  I had to explain the difference between Talking A lot (small amounts, in many instances) and Talking Too Much (9 minutes for an answer to a question.  THAT, my friends, is a soliloqy). 

A show of hands from those who think I should make this very pie for next week's group?

Now,  I thank you for listening. I'm going to do what that pie says and see what happens next week.


mamacita said...

Did anyone back you up with the monologue guy? It would be nice if someone else said the same thing.

"We're too similar" is perhaps the ALL-TIME most passive-aggressive thing to tell someone. Maybe this little incident explains why I've experienced such a wide variety of ... competence in counselors of various sorts.

jen said...

Ha! NO. The other two women in the group who complained to me said nothing. I pulled one by the hair afterwards and made her promise to buy me a margarita next time we go out so there is that.

And yes, the counseling field is actually chock full of mental cases. Irony! Gotta love it!

adozeneggs said...

the one time we met in person I didn't think you talked too much.
I like talkers. Your kind, not the kind that make class go extra long. In culinary school we had one. A big nerd. Every time the chef would call on her during lecture, you could hear everyone groan.
She also carried her book and kit in one of those granny carts..oy.

jen said...

Wow. What a dork. I definitely talk more than I did when we met, though. I felt like I was on a blind date!!

Catherine said...

I have a sister-in-law who, once she has the floor, talks and talks, barely taking a breath because she doesn't want to lose the spotlight. Her self-esteem? Not so good.

Glad you spoke up!

Patricia said...

From one Tawker (NY phonetic spelling) to another you do NOT talk too much and everything you said in your post was on point about yourself... I never feel like you do all the talking and we usually have a lot of catching up to do when we see each other! That pie should be mass-produced, in my world anyway - I have about 100 people in mind who should receive it anonymously in the mail :-)

jen said...

Patti, let's make a Shut Your Pie Hole Baking Company!! I love it--an anonymous service for those who wish to speak but are shut down by Monopolizers (yes, friends, that is a counseling term and I plan to use it!). Love it! And Catherine, my father-in-law has the same disease. Good thing he really is a sweet man because sometimes...oy.


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