the gregarious homebody

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

The Day After

This is not the post I thought I'd be writing after S's bar mitzvah. It's amazing how something can turn so quickly--from exhilaration to anxiety, from relief to worry. Life is funny like that although it's hard to think of it as "funny" right now. After celebrating The Boy who is now A Man (not) with family, friends, delicious food, and happy drippy children, I thought I'd have a once-familiar feeling of the day after Christmas. A let-down after all that planning. A kind of sadness that such a big day was over. Now I wish I had that kind of feeling.

Instead, HH's bosses dropped The Bomb. In spite of The Economy (the longest four-letter word there is right now for me), I'd tucked away any worries I had a few months ago thinking that the worst was over and we'd dodged a bullet. HH wasn't surprised. When you're in sales, you know exactly where you're at, business-wise. In fact, it's one of the great things (usually) about the job; if you work hard, you see the benefits in an almost immediate way.

And HH always works hard. It's one of his personality traits I wish I could mention on his resume myself, as in "No matter how insignificant or 'important' the job, my husband will work like his life depends on it because it's the right thing to do." He has an amazing amount of integrity. If you hire him to do a job, you can be absolutely sure that HH will get to work early and stay until past the time everyone else leaves. It's who he is.

Which makes this so hard. Someone who identifies so much with his work will inevitably think "what could I have done differently?" no matter how much he intellectually knows the economy's in the shitter. I worry as much about how he feels about himself as much as I worry about what we're going to do. He reads my blog (even when it's a Free Pass Five post) so I hope he really reads this post.

I am proud of my husband. I know we'll be alright because he's such a great asset to every workplace he's ever been. I only hope he can believe it as much as I know it.


Patricia said...

I hear you sister. Every word. I can echo your sentiments about your HH as I know he is, as Chuck would say "a stand up guy". Even Chuck was whacked out about the news and really concerned - I haven't seen such an empathic response from him in a long while, as you well know he is in his own hell for 10 months now...he feels for you both, as do I. All we can do is persevere and know that the same God who was there in that synagogue watching your family celebrate such a joyous occasion 4 days ago will be there watching over you as you cope with this new wave of events. Stay strong. Always here if you need an ear.

jen said...

Thanks, toots.

And is it wrong for me to laugh at your response to Chuck showing a human emotion?

adozeneggs said...

I just don't know what to say, except that I'm sorry. That really sucks.
Your post was lovely and I'm sure HH appreciates it.

Patricia said...

Wrong to laugh? Never. I laughed when I wrote it - how sad is that?! That's my stone-faced husband!

Petunia Face said...

I am so so so sorry. But from one who's been through it TWICE this year--it's not the end of the world. Maybe the end of the world as you know it, but I swear life goes on and it doesn't make you a bad person, just a stronger person. And while I don't know all of the circumstances, it could actually be a good thing! Maybe you won't see it as such for awhile, but it just might end up better than it was. Mine did :)

Good luck. Hug each other and hang on!

African Kelli said...

Oh Jen, I am so sorry to read this. May another lucky company scoop him up quickly. I am thinking of you and your hubby.

jen said...

thanks for the kind thought. as always (except for a few douchy comments i've had at times from someone called "anonymous")i love the love from not only the people i know but the people i feel i know a bit from the wonderful world of blogs.


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