:o(

My running morale is at an all-time low. I've gotten to the 5-minute mark--hell, I've even run for 7 minutes straight--but I'm having trouble consistently completing a 2 1/2 mile run. How am I ever going to run for the whole 5K?

Today I felt like I was going to barf after I got to my halfway mark so I walked. I started to run again but I think I had comvinced myself that I was indeed going to barf so I stopped again. Maybe it's time I got a running buddy. I've been quick to stop lately and if I'm honest with myself, I'm not sure if I'm really needing to stop or if I'm just being a baby. While I was running today I was even entertaining the idea of just not showing up for the 5K since there's no way I can do it. How's that for motivational thinking??

Nieghbor Bob said he'd run the 5K with me. Maybe the thought of me looking like a dork in front of him by walking some if it will spur me on to do it that day. I think I need some peer pressure.

Top 5 Running Songs

I NEED music to run. HH hadn't charged my iPod one time (I'm a kept woman and I LIKE IT, okay?) and I actually turned around and came back inside to wait until it charged.

Here are a few of my favorites, in no particular order:

1. Back in Black (ACDC)--I need a strong beat, especially when I start my run.

2. Barracuda (Heart)--another great song from the 70's. I can't not move when that guitar riff begins (and Ann Wilson's voice makes me feel strong).

3. Everybody Got Their Something (Nikka Costa)--great beat and I know it's dorky of me, but it's also *motivational*.

4. Wish You Were Here (Incubus)--this one's in simply because the dude has an amazing, sexy voice. I'm easy.

5. Almost anything by The Foo Fighters-- Some may find it strange but I find all their songs so uplifting. I obviously like loud music judging by the first two songs, and Dave Grohl can really yell, but their songs make me smile. And if you live in Bethlehem PA, and you see a zaftig women running and smiling like an imbecile, chances are it's me listening to my Foos.

What are yours? I only have about 20 on my Running Songs playlist, so I'd love to add some more. I'm gonna tag Finny.

It's interesting to me that personalities can change depending on who you're with. I'm speaking specifically about how I am with my New York Family. For many many years I was quiet, attentive, and quick to agree. I was so focussed on getting them to approve of me, to like me, to take me in to their family, that the irony is that the Me they were starting to (maybe) like wasn't M at all. While I do like to think of myself as attentive (at least most of the time), those other descriptions weren't about Me at all.

I am loud and sacracastic. I am opinionated. I am passionate. I am a hugger and a huge laugher. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I will LOVE YOU if you let me. That's how my friends know me and that's how PA Family knows me.

Slowly, slowly over the years I've been letting the Real Me out of the bag with the NY Family. My fabulous nephews know the real Me. My wonderfully sarcastic brother-in-law knows me and I'm so happy to say that one of my sisters-in-law has come to know Me and actually likes Me (and me her). But the Others in the family are starting to see Me and I don't know if they feel the same way. Why? Because I have become The Incredible Hulk.

I'm just barely speaking metaphorically. Barely. It's like when I get in the room with them, the shirt of my personality starts to strain under the pressure of niceness I was forcing myself to display. I start out pleasant enough, asking everyone how they are, etc., and then one of them says something *instructive* or condescending and something inside me roars. And while I'm searching for a way to tap into the hidden strengths that all humans have... an accidental overdose of gamma radiation interacts with my unique body chemistry and I become maybe not so much The Hulk, but instead

Sarcastic and Profane Girl!

WHAM! ZAP! POW! I'm throwing zingers left and right, talking like I was raised in a biker bar, and shooting down ideas I would normally totally agree with! I can't seem to help myself. The actual parts of my personality have been blown up to 1000% and I don't even like it.

Luckily Handsome Husband seems to enjoy this side of me. I think so anyway (although I must must must curb my talking about one of his sisters as some kind of Demon Spawn. That *might* be going too far). I think that maybe, just maybe, I'm getting away with things that he's wanted to do and say his whole life. Maybe I'm speaking for both of us. Or maybe I'm just obnoxious. This has occured to me.

I think next time we're together with the NY Family, I'm going to try my best to just listen. To not insinuate myself into every conversation to argue about it and to refrain from saying "Eat me" to anyone. I'm not going to NOT be Me, but maybe I'll give HH the floor and see if his inner Super Hero comes out. I hope it's

Take-THAT! I- AM- Good- Enough-in- Fact- I'm- Better than -You -People Man!

Now that I'd like to see.

WooHoo!

5 minutes!!!!!!!!!!

No More Hills=Success!

awesome Nike ad

I've cleared another hurtle in this running thing I've got going on. 4 minutes of running/2 minutes of walking, only 1 or 2 minutes of feeling like I'm going to either crap my pants or throw up. Success!! I found the secret. No hills. And although I know there are going to be some hills in the 5K I'm running in *gulp* less than a month, I think it makes more sense to actually get to the point that I'm running for 3 miles no matter what the terrain than get myself bogged down running a more accurate-to-the-race course.

And, for all you runners reading this, if this does NOT make sense, I don't want to hear it.

Thanks, Finny, for your encouraging words about my feeling like a poopy pants lard ass old lady. I can't wait to read how you rocked your half-marathon yesterday. And I know you did.

One thing this running thing is good for besides clearer skin and tighter butt cheeks is clearing my head a bit before challenging experiences. We're off to NY today for a family birthday, so I'm glad I got a run in beforehand.

Recipe

Tonight I'm making the most delicious non-recipe for dinner. It's Black Bean and Salsa Soup and the title almost has all the ingredients in it. It's found here on this site, but below is my slight twist on the original:

2 15-oz. cans black beans, drained

1 cup salsa (I use Wegman's brand Santa Fe style medium salsa)

1 1/2 cups broth (I've used chicken and I've used vegetable with equal success)

1 teaspoon cumin

1 teaspoon minced garlic

Dump everything in your blender or food processor and puree. Put in saucepan and heat over medium-low until warmed up. Top with sour cream, guac, grated cheese, or anything else that warms your heart.

It's nuts--there's no added fat (just a tad already in the salsa) and because the salsa has cooked onions in it there's a complexity built right in. Yum. Just the ticket on this rainy-ass day with some boxed pierogies and a salad. Fancy!

I miss my mom.