This is pretty much what happened tonight when M found the grogger from Purim on the Jew shelf in our living room (minus me spazzing on the couch).

The Idiotic Gardener

Remember that "baby cucumber?" Do you, Laura? Well, I INSISTED it was a baby cucumber even though EVERYONE said yo, that's a ZUCCHINI, dumb ass. Well, we were both wrong and we were both right.

WHAT?! you say?

not mine but just here to illustrate dumb-assedness

Turns out that ONE of the plants was a cucumber and one of it is a PUMPKIN VINE! So you squash-insisters were partially correct (although the flowers for the cumumber plant are the same as the squash one. Weird.). No it's not some miracle of science. I mixed up my seedlings because I am, at best, disorganized in my personal life.

Anyhoo, I'm super-psyched because now I can have crispy yummy salads AND I can carve some vegetables into crazy toothless grins. AWESOME!

Here's a Picture of That Cake in Case You Were Waiting with Baited Breath

Cool, huh?

More Garden Serenity

I have no idea what these purple flowers are called.

They and their foliage are so pretty-- and they never seem to die.

Baby cucumber

Because of this wonderful weather
I have a ton of lettuce that doesn't bolt right away.


Grape tomatoes that will, no doubt, not make it

to the inside of the house.

This broccoli was so delicious on top of some homemade pizza.
Why does it taste better when you grow it yourself?

I love mint.
And I finally got smart and planted it in a container
so it wouldn't go wild.
There are 3 varieties in one pot: spearmint, apple mint,
and chocolate mint.
Whoever developed this variety was a horticultural genius.



And this was just thrown in because who doesn't enjoy

a little child labor?
The Boy slices paper into bar mitzvah programs.
This was the only job he had to do for the big day.
He complained incessantly.

Apparently he HAS become a man.

I thought it would be fun to take a break from worrying and photograph

some of my gardening efforts.

I'm no master at this but it makes me unbelievably happy to plant things

and then, holy crap, watch them actually GROW.

Incredible.

Let's take a look, shall we?

This bed came out so pretty, I think, and it was completely accidental.

It's shady but the previous owners had planted a huge mass black-eyed Susans which I love, but since the weeping cherry above it has grown,

it's even shadier so they're sort of dwindling.

In their place I've planted some hostas from my friend Ray, along with perilla from Judy.

I love the way the chartreusey hostas look with the purple perilla.

My favorite flower is the daisy. I love how happy they look

and the fact that they really do stay fresh for a long time.

We had daisies as the main flower at our wedding even though someone told me that

"daisies are not appropriate for a wedding."

It was the first time I ever asserted myself with this person when I said

"they are if it's my wedding,"

And I thank them for that.

We pause here for some good-natured barking. Hi Annie!


This is a really small allium I planted a couple years ago.

Every year i have to remind myself not to pull the thing that looks like wild onions in this spot because it's this allium.

Clearly, I'm not a genius.

Last week I was listening to Alexis and Jennifer

and Alexis was pontificating as she does about someone's dreadful landscaping,

complaining about all the "decorative grasses" that are "actually" weeds.
Really? Who cares 'cause I love them.

And I'm pretty sure Martha does too.

These are the only flowers in the world, practically, that I call by their latin name in my head

(and I think about flowers in my head a lot.

I know it's weird, but to me it's weirdly calming).

I can't remember the name of the variety

even though I think it's really special with that pompom in the middle.

Anyhoo, this here's an echinacea or a coneflower to you yahoos.

Behold, the "common" coneflower. It's not open yet but I love it like this.

I'm fascinated by how the petals unfurl.

Nature is cool.

Okay. You can see I like those echinacea/coneflowers, can't you. This time I DO remember the name of the variety though. This one's called Coconut Lime.

Now you know why I remember it.
yummmmm....

This is my little herb patch, aka Murry McGlaughlin's urinal (yes, he's a dog).

We don't eat much of the herbs here (see previous sentence), but they sure look pretty.

This is sage, lavender, lamb's ears, parsley, chives, and a volunteer chamomile.

This is a patch of the retarded garden.

I planted this plant (no idea the name), not remembering that it flowered
(I liked the leaves)

and then for some reason I planted

every other yellow flower I've ever seen here too.

The flowers in the bed are pretty but it looks like

it was planted by

someone who had a head injury

and

could only see the color yellow.

This is one of my few annuals. I love this flower and don't know it's name.

It comes in a few different shades of purple and pink and I try to plant it every year in this pot with the alberta spruce and another annual I can't remember the name of that I love that's periwinkle blue and shaped like a little daisy.

Speaking of that mystery little periwinkle daisy, every year I go to Country Lawnscapes Nursery and say to the owner, "Do you have that little daisy that has *a name like an old English lady?"

She always knows what I mean and she at least waits until I leave

to talk about what a moron I am.

I love her.

Now we're moving out of the garden and back into the house to look at a few things that also make me smile. Candy. Lots of it.

And sweets from sweet people.

And the fact that these are all from a wonderful day we had with family and friends.

Before the crap hit the fan.

Forgive the crappy picture. The cap was adorable too. And DELICIOUS?

Oh yes, because some were left over and...lost...and subsequently found in my bed. Yeah...

Anyway, each kid got one of these babies to take home and we're so thankful

we had them to give.

Of all the things I did/made/bought for this bar mitzvah, these Zero bars are what made The Boy really happy.

Who knew this is what it would take to make the kid who never really gives a shit about anything except his video games and his friends and oh yeah, I guess his family (after his pets), actually get excited??

I did because I am an exceptional mother who heard him not mumble that they were his favorite one day when we were in Walmart.

So I bought 18 the next day.

And he smiled and hugged me.

Zero bars are now my favorite.

Here's the whole arrangement before the onslaught.

My cousin's 7 year old kept saying "Can I have some now? Can I have some now? Can I have some NOW?" an hour and a half before everyone got there and we were setting up.

And because I am a wonderful person I said

"No way kid. Go chase yourself."

One last picture of sugary goodness. These bowls contain boxed (HORRORS!) cake batter that has been tinted Roy G. Biv (except for the indigo).

The finished and cut cake was as amazing-looking as the uncooked batter but

I didn't get a picture because by that time

I was half in the bag from bar mitzvah margaritas and good cheer.

It didn't taste as good as it looked but I'm a sucker for packaging.

*Holy crap, I just remembered the name! The adorable perwinkle daisy is called a Felicia! woo-hoo! Not that you care because it's not even, like, pictured here. I was just excited. Whatever.